PENGUINS OF MADAGASCAR: OPERATION STARFISH SABOTAGE — MISSION BRIEFING

 INT. SUPPLY POD – MAKESHIFT HQ – “BRIEFING ROOM”

SKIPPER
Alright, team. Eyes front, flippers up, snacks down. We’ve got ourselves a planet‑sized pickle.

RICO
HURK …pickle?
(He coughs up an actual pickle.)

SKIPPER
Not that kind, soldier. The Death Star kind. Big, round, evil, and full of stormtroopers who couldn’t hit a barn if it was hugging them.

PRIVATE
But they can hit us, right?

SKIPPER
Only if we stand still, wave our flippers, and politely request it. Which we will not be doing.

KOWALSKI steps forward, tapping the hologram.

KOWALSKI
Gentlemen, behold: the Empire’s ultimate weapon. Capable of destroying planets, vaporizing fleets, and—based on this diagram—running on a cooling system designed by someone who failed basic engineering.

PRIVATE
Is that… duct tape?

KOWALSKI
Imperial‑grade duct tape. Holds star empires together.

SKIPPER
Our mission: disable this floating doom‑ball before Darth Vader arrives in four hours and fifty‑five minutes. That gives us five hours. Tight window. Tighter than Rico’s digestive system.

RICO
HURK
(He coughs up a chainsaw, a bowling ball, and a live pigeon.)

SKIPPER
Case in point.

KOWALSKI flips to a new hologram: a maze of vents.

KOWALSKI
We’ll infiltrate through the ventilation system. It’s extensive, poorly guarded, and conveniently penguin‑sized.

PRIVATE
Why do humans build vents big enough for us to crawl through?

SKIPPER
Because humans are sloppy, Private. Sloppy like a walrus at a fondue fountain.

KOWALSKI
Once inside, we’ll navigate to the reactor coolant regulators. If we disrupt them, the Death Star will enter a full shutdown. No boom. No kaboom. No kaboom‑adjacent kaboom.

RICO
…no boom?
(He looks heartbroken.)

SKIPPER
Chin up, soldier. There’ll be plenty of boom on the way.

Rico perks up immediately.

PRIVATE raises a flipper.

PRIVATE
Um… Skipper? What about the stormtroopers? They’re on high alert.

SKIPPER
Stormtroopers are like seagulls, Private. Loud, annoying, and easily confused by shiny objects.

RICO
HURK
(He coughs up a disco ball.)

SKIPPER
Perfect. Weaponize the sparkle.

KOWALSKI
We’ll also need to pass through a detention block. I suggest disguises.

SKIPPER
Already ahead of you.
(He reveals four tiny Imperial officer hats.)
We go in as “experimental emotional‑support penguins.”

PRIVATE
Do we… actually provide emotional support?

SKIPPER
Only the emotional support of terror and confusion.

KOWALSKI
Once we reach the coolant regulators, I’ll initiate a seventeen‑step shutdown sequence.

SKIPPER
We’ll do the first three steps. The rest sound like nerd stuff.

KOWALSKI
But the remaining fourteen steps are crucial to—

SKIPPER
Nerd. Stuff.

RICO
HURK
(He coughs up a whiteboard that says “NERD STUFF.”)

PRIVATE
And what if Darth Vader arrives early?

SKIPPER
Then we improvise.

PRIVATE
What does “improvise” mean in this context?

SKIPPER
It means Rico throws explosives until the universe sorts itself out.

RICO
YEAH!

KOWALSKI
Time check: five hours until mission failure. Vader ETA: four hours fifty‑five minutes.

SKIPPER
Which means we’ve got a luxurious five‑minute buffer.
(beat)
We’re penguins. We thrive under unreasonable deadlines.

SKIPPER steps forward dramatically.

SKIPPER
Team… this is it. The biggest mission we’ve ever undertaken.
A space station the size of a moon.
Thousands of stormtroopers.
A Sith Lord en route.
And one tiny flaw in their cooling system.

PRIVATE
So… business as usual?

SKIPPER
Exactly.
Now fluff your feathers, tighten your goggles, and prepare for—

ALL
OPERATION STARFISH SABOTAGE!

RICO
HURK
(He coughs up a fish. They all cheer.