STARFLEET JUDGE ADVOCATE GENERAL v. KATHRYN JANEWAY

 A cavernous Starfleet courtroom. Admirals line the bench like a flock of judgmental owls. Janeway sits calmly, sipping coffee as though this is a routine staff meeting.

ADMIRAL PARIS
Captain Janeway, you stand accused of… well… gestures to a stack of padds taller than a warp core …all of this.

JANEWAY
If you’d like, Admiral, I can summarize. It’ll save us all time.

ADMIRAL PARIS
Please don’t.

Charge #1: “You Blew Up the Caretaker Array”

PROSECUTOR
Captain, you destroyed the only known way home.

JANEWAY
It was either that or let the Kazon get it.

ADMIRAL NECHAYEV
And what would the Kazon have done with it?

JANEWAY
(Raises eyebrow)
Have you met the Kazon?

The admirals murmur. One shudders.

Charge #2: “You Recruited a Maquis Crew”

PROSECUTOR
You integrated known terrorists into Starfleet ranks.

JANEWAY
They were very polite terrorists.

CHAKOTAY (from the gallery)
We prefer “enthusiastic dissenters.”

TUVOK
Their performance was adequate.

CHAKOTAY
Adequate? I saved your life twelve times!

TUVOK
Thirteen. I keep a list.

Charge #3: “Temporal Violations… All of Them”

A holographic screen lights up with a dizzying montage of time loops, paradoxes, and Janeway shooting her own future self.

ADMIRAL PARIS
Captain… you broke time.

JANEWAY
In my defense, time started it.

PROSECUTOR
You created a temporal paradox so severe the Department of Temporal Investigations had to invent new paperwork.

JANEWAY
You’re welcome.

Charge #4: “You Made an Alliance with the Borg”

ADMIRAL NECHAYEV
You allied with the Borg Collective. The Borg. The Federation’s greatest enemy.

JANEWAY
They were having a bad week.

SEVEN OF NINE (deadpan)
The Collective found her… persuasive.

ADMIRAL PARIS
You also personally antagonized the Borg Queen.

JANEWAY
She started it.

SEVEN
This is accurate.

Charge #5: “You Turned Your Crew Into Salamanders”

A holo-image of two giant amphibians appears. The courtroom gasps.

PROSECUTOR
Captain… you and Lieutenant Paris evolved into… checks padd …giant space salamanders and had offspring.

JANEWAY
It was a stressful week.

ADMIRAL PARIS
(leans forward)
Did you at least send child support?

JANEWAY
They’re salamanders, Admiral. They don’t have a college fund.

Charge #6: “You Let the Doctor Become a Novelist”

PROSECUTOR
You allowed your Emergency Medical Hologram to write a tell‑all novel defaming the crew.

JANEWAY
It was either that or let him sing opera again.

The courtroom nods in grim understanding.

Charge #7: “You Brought Voyager Home Using a Time‑Traveling Future Version of Yourself”

ADMIRAL PARIS
You violated temporal law, commandeered a future starship, and detonated a Borg transwarp hub.

JANEWAY
Yes.

ADMIRAL PARIS
…Anything to say in your defense?

JANEWAY
(Smiles)
You’re welcome.

Final Verdict

The admirals huddle. Whispering. Arguing. One faints. Finally:

ADMIRAL PARIS
Captain Janeway… after reviewing your actions, your impossible circumstances, and the fact that you somehow returned with your ship, your crew, and a Borg…
We find you…

ALL ADMIRALS
…Promoted.

JANEWAY
(Raises coffee mug)
I had a feeling.

Facegate

 “FACEGATE”

INT. SHEPARD’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The party is loud. JACK pushes through the crowd with a bottle of Serrice Ice. WREX follows, amused and already half‑buzzed.

JACK
(raising her voice)
Shepard! Hey! We gotta talk. Grunt just yelled something across the room, and I need answers.

WREX
He said Tali showed you her face. Her real face. No visor. No filters. The actual thing.

Shepard freezes mid‑sip. Across the room, TALI stiffens like someone just unplugged her suit.

SHEPARD
…Grunt needs a muzzle.

WREX
So it’s true! I knew it! I wanna see it.

JACK
Yeah, me too. I’ve earned this. I’ve been shot, stabbed, set on fire—show me the damn face.

Tali tries to quietly back out of the room. She immediately bumps into GARRUS, who was calibrating the snack table.

GARRUS
Whoa—Tali? You okay?

TALI
No. Shepard told one person. One! And now the krogan and the tattooed maniac want a viewing.

JACK
Hey! I’m not a maniac. I’m a professional maniac.

WREX
And I’m just curious. Quarians are mysterious. Like pyjaks that can build starships.

TALI
We are not pyjaks!

LIARA drifts over. JAVIK appears because he senses “foolishness.” JOKER limps in with a drink.

JOKER
Okay, what’s happening? And is it something I can mock?

SHEPARD
Everyone relax. Go back to partying.

WREX
Not until I see the face.

JACK
Same. I wanna know if she’s got mandibles.

TALI
I DO NOT HAVE MANDIBLES!

Shepard steps between them.

SHEPARD
Tali showed me her face because she trusted me. It was private. Personal.

JACK
So… like tits?

SHEPARD
JACK.

WREX
If it’s that big a deal, we can make it a ritual. Krogan do face‑showing rites.

TALI
You absolutely do not!

WREX
We could start.

GARRUS
Look, Tali doesn’t have to show her face. It’s her choice.
(beat)
But if she did, hypothetically, I’d like to see it too.

TALI
GARRUS!

GARRUS
Scientific curiosity!

Jack leans in, grinning.

JACK
C’mon, Tali. We’re your crew. Your messed‑up, emotionally stunted, occasionally violent family. Let us see the mug.


Tali throws her hands up.

TALI
Fine! FINE! But only if Shepard says it’s okay.

Everyone turns to Shepard like she’s about to choose a dialogue wheel option that determines the fate of the galaxy.

SHEPARD
Tali… it’s your face. Your call.

Tali breathes, nods.

TALI
Then the answer is no. Absolutely no. Not happening.
(beat)
Unless everyone here agrees to never mention this again.

Wrex thinks, then grins.

WREX
Deal.
But only if you let me take a picture of Shepard’s face when she tries my new krogan liquor.

SHEPARD
Wait—what?

JACK
Oh, hell yes. That’s fair.

TALI
…Acceptable.

If the World Baseball Classic Existed in the 90s...

Bit of a thought experiment, but here would be the starting line up and starting pitcher & closer for a World Baseball Classic team if it existed in the 1990s

1. Kenny Lofton — CF (L) • Elite OBP/SLG combo in his early‑90s peak • Game‑breaking speed sets the table • Gold‑glove defense in center 

2. Chuck Knoblauch — 2B (R) • High OBP, line‑drive machine • Perfect “bridge” hitter who keeps the pressure on • Great hit‑and‑run partner with Lofton 

3. Barry Bonds — LF (L) • The most complete hitter in baseball by 1990–94 • OBP monster, 30–40 HR power, elite baserunning • Forces pitchers to work from the stretch early 

4. Mike Piazza — C (R) • Best pure right‑handed hitter of the era • Protects Bonds, punishes pitchers who pitch around him • Massive gap and HR power 

5. Larry Walker — RF (L) • Balanced power, average, and athleticism • Lefty who can still hit lefties • Extends the inning behind Piazza 

6. Tony Gwynn — DH (L) • Contact king, .350+ threat • Perfect “reset” hitter who prevents strikeout clusters • Turns the lineup over with quality ABs 

7. Barry Larkin — SS (R) • MVP‑caliber shortstop with power/speed blend • Dangerous lower‑order bat who lengthens the lineup • Elite defense keeps run prevention strong 

8. Mark Grace — 1B (L) • High‑contact, high‑OBP, doubles machine • Ideal 8‑spot hitter who keeps innings alive • Lefty balance before the 9‑hole 

9. Jeff Cirillo — 3B (R) • High‑average, low‑K, underrated OBP • A “second leadoff” hitter who feeds Lofton • Strong glove at third 

SP: Gred Maddux - Run prevention king in a pre‑steroid‑explosion environment - Ground‑ball machine who pairs perfectly with Larkin/Knoblauch/Cirillo - Low walk rate keeps games clean 

CL: Dennis Eckersley - Ridiculous control - Sub‑1.00 WHIP for multiple seasons - Strikeout-to-walk ratio unmatched

Deep Space Nine Reactions: The Maquis, Part II

“The Draculina Descends”

 EXT. LONDON RUINS – NIGHT

The sky burns. Reapers fire into the city. Hammer forces are scattered.

A shuttle wreck smolders in the rubble.

Shepard’s gauntleted hand claws free. She hauls herself out, armor cracked, bleeding.

SHEPARD
(grim)
Still here.
Liara and Tali climb out behind her.

LIARA
Shepard! Are you hurt?

SHEPARD
I’ve had worse.
(into comm)
Anderson, we’re down but mobile. Moving toward your position.

A Reaper beam slams into the ground nearby. The earth splits open, revealing a buried stone vault—ancient, runed, humming with red light.

TALI
Keelah… that’s not in any of the mission briefings.

LIARA
That architecture… it’s not Prothean. 

The runes pulse faster. Something inside begins pounding.

SHEPARD
Guns up. Nobody touch it.

The stone splits. A massive iron coffin rises from the dust—black, engraved with sigils, chained shut.

Marines aim rifles.

MARINE
Commander?

The coffin shakes violently.

SHEPARD
Hold fire.

The chains snap. The lid blasts off like a missile.

A figure sits up, stretching like someone waking from a nap.

A massive anti‑tank cannon materializes beside her, resting against the coffin.

SERAS VICTORIA
Bloody hell… did someone start the apocalypse without me? Again?

She looks around at the burning city.

SERAS
…Yep. Definitely again.

Tali yelps, raising her shotgun.

TALI
What is that?!

Liara’s biotics flare.

LIARA
Her energy signature—Shepard, I’ve never seen anything like it.

Seras blinks at them, confused but friendly.

SERAS
Hi! Hello! I’m Seras. Seras Victoria. Police girl. Vampire.
(pats cannon)
This is my emotional support gun.

All rifles tighten.

SHEPARD
Identify your allegiance.

Seras studies Shepard, tilting her head.

SERAS
You’re not Integra. Or Alucard. Or anyone I know.
(beat)
Oh bollocks. I’ve been isekai’d, haven’t I?

TALI
What’s an “isekai”? Is that a species?

LIARA
I don’t think so.

A Reaper Brute roars behind them.

Seras sighs.

SERAS
Right. One apocalypse at a time.

She lifts the Harkonnen with one hand.

EXT. LONDON STREET – CONTINUOUS

The Brute charges the squad.

Seras fires.

The Harkonnen’s blast vaporizes the Brute and half the street behind it.

The shockwave knocks Marines off their feet; Shepard braces, sliding back.

TALI
Keelah! She just deleted it!

LIARA
That weapon… the mass, the recoil—how is she holding it?

Seras lowers the cannon, sheepish.

SERAS
Sorry! Bit rusty! Haven’t fired this thing in… uh… a century? Ish?

Shepard steps forward, eyes locked on Seras.

SHEPARD
You’re not Alliance. You’re not Cerberus. You’re not Reaper tech.
What are you?

Seras smiles—warm, but with fangs.

SERAS
A soldier. A protector. Someone who’s lost too many people already.
(eyes glow brighter)
And someone who’s not letting giant metal space‑squids eat another planet.

She looks up at the Reapers with a predator’s grin.

SERAS
So, Commander… point me at the bad guys.
I’ve got the big gun.

Shepard holds her gaze for a beat, then nods.

SHEPARD
You want to help? You’re with us.
(to squad)
We move. Anderson’s waiting.

EXT. LONDON RUINS – MOVING TOWARD ANDERSON

Shepard leads. Liara and Tali flank her. Seras walks casually behind, Harkonnen on her shoulder.
Reaper forces close in.
A Marauder fires at Seras. Bullets bounce off.

SERAS
Oi! I just woke up! At least buy me dinner before shooting me!

She fires a single round. The Marauder ceases to exist.

TALI
Okay, I’m officially glad she’s on our side.

LIARA
Your physiology… your energy… it’s unlike anything in the galaxy.

SERAS
Aww, thanks! I try.
(softer)
I’m a vampire. Long story. Lots of blood. Very messy.
But I fight for humans. For people. For home.
She glances at Shepard.

SERAS
This is your home, yeah?

SHEPARD
Yeah.

SERAS
Then it’s mine too. For now.

Shepard gives the smallest hint of a smile.

SHEPARD
Then let’s make sure it’s still here tomorrow.

EXT. ANDERSON’S POSITION – MOMENTS LATER
Anderson and his squad are pinned down by Cannibals.

ANDERSON
(over comm)
Shepard, we’re cut off! We—

A shockwave hits as Seras lands in the middle of the Cannibals like a meteor. They’re obliterated instantly.
Dust clears.
Seras stands in the crater, Harkonnen on her shoulder, waving.

SERAS
Hi! I’m new!

Anderson stares.

ANDERSON
Shepard… what the hell did you bring with you?

Shepard steps up beside Seras.

SHEPARD
Backup.

Liara and Tali join them.

SERAS
Hello! I’m Seras! Vampire, heavy weapons specialist, occasional war crime—
(beat)
—against fascists, to be clear.

ANDERSON
Is she… safe?

Seras leans in, fanged smile wide.

SERAS
Oh, absolutely!
(beat)
…Mostly!

Deep Space Nine Reactions: The Maquis, Part I

Deep Space Nine Reactions: Blood Oath