Facegate

 “FACEGATE”

INT. SHEPARD’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The party is loud. JACK pushes through the crowd with a bottle of Serrice Ice. WREX follows, amused and already half‑buzzed.

JACK
(raising her voice)
Shepard! Hey! We gotta talk. Grunt just yelled something across the room, and I need answers.

WREX
He said Tali showed you her face. Her real face. No visor. No filters. The actual thing.

Shepard freezes mid‑sip. Across the room, TALI stiffens like someone just unplugged her suit.

SHEPARD
…Grunt needs a muzzle.

WREX
So it’s true! I knew it! I wanna see it.

JACK
Yeah, me too. I’ve earned this. I’ve been shot, stabbed, set on fire—show me the damn face.

Tali tries to quietly back out of the room. She immediately bumps into GARRUS, who was calibrating the snack table.

GARRUS
Whoa—Tali? You okay?

TALI
No. Shepard told one person. One! And now the krogan and the tattooed maniac want a viewing.

JACK
Hey! I’m not a maniac. I’m a professional maniac.

WREX
And I’m just curious. Quarians are mysterious. Like pyjaks that can build starships.

TALI
We are not pyjaks!

LIARA drifts over. JAVIK appears because he senses “foolishness.” JOKER limps in with a drink.

JOKER
Okay, what’s happening? And is it something I can mock?

SHEPARD
Everyone relax. Go back to partying.

WREX
Not until I see the face.

JACK
Same. I wanna know if she’s got mandibles.

TALI
I DO NOT HAVE MANDIBLES!

Shepard steps between them.

SHEPARD
Tali showed me her face because she trusted me. It was private. Personal.

JACK
So… like tits?

SHEPARD
JACK.

WREX
If it’s that big a deal, we can make it a ritual. Krogan do face‑showing rites.

TALI
You absolutely do not!

WREX
We could start.

GARRUS
Look, Tali doesn’t have to show her face. It’s her choice.
(beat)
But if she did, hypothetically, I’d like to see it too.

TALI
GARRUS!

GARRUS
Scientific curiosity!

Jack leans in, grinning.

JACK
C’mon, Tali. We’re your crew. Your messed‑up, emotionally stunted, occasionally violent family. Let us see the mug.


Tali throws her hands up.

TALI
Fine! FINE! But only if Shepard says it’s okay.

Everyone turns to Shepard like she’s about to choose a dialogue wheel option that determines the fate of the galaxy.

SHEPARD
Tali… it’s your face. Your call.

Tali breathes, nods.

TALI
Then the answer is no. Absolutely no. Not happening.
(beat)
Unless everyone here agrees to never mention this again.

Wrex thinks, then grins.

WREX
Deal.
But only if you let me take a picture of Shepard’s face when she tries my new krogan liquor.

SHEPARD
Wait—what?

JACK
Oh, hell yes. That’s fair.

TALI
…Acceptable.

If the World Baseball Classic Existed in the 90s...

Bit of a thought experiment, but here would be the starting line up and starting pitcher & closer for a World Baseball Classic team if it existed in the 1990s

1. Kenny Lofton — CF (L) • Elite OBP/SLG combo in his early‑90s peak • Game‑breaking speed sets the table • Gold‑glove defense in center 

2. Chuck Knoblauch — 2B (R) • High OBP, line‑drive machine • Perfect “bridge” hitter who keeps the pressure on • Great hit‑and‑run partner with Lofton 

3. Barry Bonds — LF (L) • The most complete hitter in baseball by 1990–94 • OBP monster, 30–40 HR power, elite baserunning • Forces pitchers to work from the stretch early 

4. Mike Piazza — C (R) • Best pure right‑handed hitter of the era • Protects Bonds, punishes pitchers who pitch around him • Massive gap and HR power 

5. Larry Walker — RF (L) • Balanced power, average, and athleticism • Lefty who can still hit lefties • Extends the inning behind Piazza 

6. Tony Gwynn — DH (L) • Contact king, .350+ threat • Perfect “reset” hitter who prevents strikeout clusters • Turns the lineup over with quality ABs 

7. Barry Larkin — SS (R) • MVP‑caliber shortstop with power/speed blend • Dangerous lower‑order bat who lengthens the lineup • Elite defense keeps run prevention strong 

8. Mark Grace — 1B (L) • High‑contact, high‑OBP, doubles machine • Ideal 8‑spot hitter who keeps innings alive • Lefty balance before the 9‑hole 

9. Jeff Cirillo — 3B (R) • High‑average, low‑K, underrated OBP • A “second leadoff” hitter who feeds Lofton • Strong glove at third 

SP: Gred Maddux - Run prevention king in a pre‑steroid‑explosion environment - Ground‑ball machine who pairs perfectly with Larkin/Knoblauch/Cirillo - Low walk rate keeps games clean 

CL: Dennis Eckersley - Ridiculous control - Sub‑1.00 WHIP for multiple seasons - Strikeout-to-walk ratio unmatched